Ranch Lingo
Ranch kids grow up with a certain dialect of their own that is a series of sayings that have broader meaning. Some with humor, some with sarcasm, and some with profound lessons in daily life. These sayings and colloquialisms of ranch folk have somehow been preserved throughout time and remain foreign concepts to outsiders. For instance, when someone compliments you on “your new outfit” they are referring to your new pickup truck not what you are wearing.
In an attempt to preserve some of these sayings I’ve put together a list of some of my favorites that I grew up hearing — mostly from my Dad. Whether or not he was the author or not I can not say, but he commonly was the deliverer of the message that resonated throughout my formative years and whose meaning can be applied to so many different settings and situations today. To many of you the sayings may not make sense because the context isn’t familiar, but to those with a farmer or rancher in your heritage most hold some broader meaning. Here goes:
“Don’t let these clothes fool you.”
“You’ve got to do more than set the dam, you have to work the water to get things wet.”
“The job is done when the work is complete, and not when the clock says 5:00 pm”
“Crooked as a dog’s hind leg.”
“If you can’t say something nice, don’t say anything at all.”
“Always close a gate behind you.”
“For every action in your days there is a reaction, even if it’s not obvious right away. Work smart.”
“Be aware of your surroundings, and notice things that aren’t right. A sick cow will tell you the day before she’s really sick.”
“Problem solving and decision making are so important.”
“Don’t be afraid to dive in and get your feet wet.”
“Get back on and ride.” “Never bite the hand that feeds you.”
“What doesn’t kill you makes you stronger.”
“Stay curious and if you don’t know the answer to a problem, research it and learn about it, and get it fixed.”
“Maintenance is the key to making things last.”
”Useless as tits on a boar hog.”
“Stupid is as stupid does.”
””A tight straight fence is not only a state of mind, it’s a thing of beauty.”
“Try repairing things before throwing them away.”
“Punctuality is important, and being late is not only rude, it tells the people that are waiting on you that you think your time is more important than theirs.
“That reminds me of a story.”
”We are stewards of these animals and it’s our privilege to care for them.”
“Make hay while the suns shining.”
“The cows always eat before the Cowboy does.”
“You’re acting like a fart in a skillet.”
“For anything to be successful you have to have a plan.”
“It’s better to be proactive and to adjust your plan, than to be reactive.”
”Shot at and missed and shit at and hit.”
“Long term success often requires short term patience and long-term vision. “
“Sometimes the dirtiest of jobs teach the biggest lessons.”
“A penny saved is a penny earned.”
“Tight as a tick.”
“A working dog is a good judge of character.”
“Treat livestock with respect, and they’ll pay your bills.”
“That’s the way the cookie crumbles.”
“Have the humility to let the wise horse choose his path up a rocky canyon. He’s sure footed and will get you there safely.”
”Raining like a cow peeing on a flat rock.”
“It’s a big mistake for Angus cows to get out on the road at night.”
”Swelled up like a poisoned dog.”
“Logarrhea is just diarrhea of the mouth, and most of civilization is afflicted.”
“Getting up early and drinking coffee before starting your day, is like having the coffee break before starting work.”
“He’s a pimple on the ass of progress.” “Dry as a popcorn fart.”
“Slow as molasses in January.”
“Slower is faster when moving cows.” “Slower is faster is better.”
“Always settle the herd before you open the gate.”
“A cowman can call his herd, a Cowboy only chases his.”
“If you’re goanna dance, you have to pay the fiddler.”
“Nobody ever drowned in their own sweat.”
“If you follow to close behind the lead cow your boots will get dirty.”
“It’s the man that’s the cowhand, not the outfit he wears.”
“The easiest way to eat crow is while it’s warm. The colder it gets the harder it is to swallow.”
“He’s all hat and no cattle”
“Always drink upstream from the herd.”
“Never approach a bull from the front, a horse from the rear, or a fool from any direction.”
“Never trust a guy whose off his rocker.”
“You can lead a horse to water, but you can’t make him drink.”
So many of the aforementioned have deeper meanings than meet the eye, and carry more wisdom than initially heard. I feel blessed to have grown up in a time where I learned so many of these words and lessons by experience, hard work, blood sweat and tears.
