FAIRY GODMOTHERS

March 10, 2022. by Ellen Nieslanik

It wasn’t about glass slippers or the beautiful gown, but instead my love for Cinderella’s story was rooted in her fairy godmother. Her Fairy Godmother was one that showed up, listened, spread her magic, gave hope, and transformed the ordinary to beautiful. Cinderella's Fairy Godmother did all this all within parameters that required “buy in” from Cinderella — the magic ran out at midnight, if you’ll remember. She provided an opportunity, the rest was up to Cinderella.

I’ve been blessed with a few Fairy Godmothers of my own in my short 60 rotations round the sun. I beg your indulgence to share a few of these stories in the words that follow. There are too many fairy godmothers in my life to mention them all. There are parents of course, sisters, aunts, uncles, in-laws, friends, some men even can be fairy Godfathers I suppose. Anyway the few that follow showed up and their action left a lasting impact on me. Here goes…..

MY FAIRY GRANDMOTHER:

The first Fairy Godmother that comes to mind is my Gran who was actually my Fairy Grandmother, on my moms side. Granny lived a life so foreign from mine; she had a magical aire about her. Gran was a New England socialite and wife to Cleric and Headmaster of a private boys school in Massachusetts. The academic calendar was jam packed and their refuge was their summers on the tiny island of North Haven, Maine. Gran was the hip of the most hip grandmothers. She was sort of an Audry Hepburn-esc; her hair pulled back/up in combs and clips, a Boston accent, impeccably dressed, usually with coordinated hat, pearls or a necklace, a purse, pea coat or cardigan, and square healed shoes -- yet she was equally as stylish in jeans on the ranch. She didn’t swear, but could emphatically make her point, with a sharp look. Politically she had strong opinions and became more insistent about those opinions as the nightly cocktail hour wore on. She talked of “blue-bree pie” and “two decker” apartments, “care-auge” when talking about a shopping carts/carriages. She was magical.

Gran (and Grandpa) made an annual trek west to visit and embraced our western ranch-life with open arms and enthusiasm. Gran sometimes brought gifts from civilization to her grandchildren in the Colorado Rockies that were mostly “spot on”. For example, we once talked about music and I confessed I didn’t know much about hip trendy music. Soooooo the next trip west she showed up with an album by The Who. In expected Gran fashion she took time to listen and become familiar with the songs on the album. After dinner she raised her eyebrows at me, and said “Shall we?” We shuffled off to the living room and sat down to listen to the entire album. “You are going to adore this one,” she’d say as she tipped her head back, hummed and tapped her toe to the beat. I was now in the know with The Who!

Gran never forgot a detail I shared with her, which was astonishing as she had 19 other grandchildren. I’m quite certain she kept each of our details and concerns neatly filed in her mind ready and accessible when she saw or interacted with each of us. I loved her annual visits, but equally loved her letters and cards. She was an avid letter writer and always, always answered any correspondence. As her socially-awkward prepubescent descendant, I wrote to my ever-so-hip grandmother often. She responded seamlessly with increased sensitivity and humor as I morphed from a little girl to teenager and then to young woman. This correspondence continued on into my twenties, and I recently re-read a handful of letters from Gran as she offered her love, support and guidance as I broke off an ill conceived marriage engagement in 1983. She understood my sadness, my brokenness and she offered hope, strength and love in her words.

Grans biggest fairy godmother gifts didn’t come in packages, but were her inherent ability to be present …. totally present …..in a way made me feel important, and heard. She was the best. Thanks Gran. ❤️

MY FAIRY GOD UNCLE:

The next Fairy Godmother story is about Uncle Mike, my Dad’s only brother. I think I’ll morph his title to Fairy God Uncle and I know he would not only be thrilled with the title but also to be in the company of two amazing women.

I learned early in life that the title of “Uncle Mike” was not just limited to his nieces.“You can just call me Uncle Mike,” he’d say to young people he met. He was inclusive and this was another way he made people feel loved, included and important. Without exception he made me feel special….loved and was one of the very few that made me feel beautiful. There are so many that shared in this sentiment. Once in – always in with Uncle Mike. He was so unconditional, just in.

A phone call from Uncle Mike in May of 1984 changed the course of my adult life. I was 22, just weeks away from graduating from CSU with an Ag Business/Animal Science degree, and my only viable job offer was a sales position in western Kansas with LOOMIX – a liquid cattle feed company. I was struggling and Uncle Mike knew this, yet in his graceful way he was careful not to insult me or make judgments. The conversation started something like this…

“Hey kid, what ya doing?” …..…(pause)

I told him about my job offer, and tried to sound as upbeat and excited as a Loomix salesman could be. He paused and after a comfortable amount of quiet on the line, he said…. “Hmmmmm, I’ll be damned…..”(pause) “Is this what you want to do?” …..…(pause)

I had a meltdown. Of course it wasn’t, but I had nothing else going. In minutes he convinced me to come work for him on his Congressional Campaign. I explained that I didn’t know anything about a scheduling a Congressional Campaign, and he said, “the hell you don’t…you’ve studied Animal Science, what more do you need for politics?”

The next adventure unfolded as I followed him to Washington DC. I worked for another Member of Congress but often hung out with Uncle Mike. There were plenty of boat drinks and after work adventures. He loved having his 22 year old niece (as his date) at Congressional receptions since his bride was home running the ranch. He worked hard AND in true Uncle Mike fashion we laughed hard too. Uncle Mike was a “party” in himself and he was able to glean the JOY out of ordinary things and ordinary days. I’m certain that every day he laughed, it’s so important to laugh.

My favorite thing about my Fairy God Uncle Mike and the biggest lesson he gave me was that he threw roses and he believed that EVERYONE had something to offer. I believe …..that his mission on this earth was to spread kindness (and humor, of course), and he did it one day at a time, one rose at a time. He came with a full basket of fresh roses, and he threw them freely. I caught a few, as I’m sure everyone who met him did. He left this earth with an empty basket…. All his roses thrown, and his work was done, and I’m doing my best to follow his lead. Thanks Fairy God Uncle!

MY FAIRY BOSS MOTHER:

My Fairy Bossmother came into my life in the early days as a young Congressional staffer. It was January 1985 and I’d just landed a job with Arizona Congressman Jim Kolbe, in his Washington DC office. It was the day of his swearing in and his staff from the District office in Tucson was coming for the ceremony. The East was meeting the West.

I can still hear the cadence of her heals clicking down the hall as she approached Jim’s office at 1222 Longworth. There was an argument or discussion of sorts escorting them in my direction. Her points were strong and Jim (the Member) was faltering. I don’t remember the content, but she made her case with confidence which was a theme that carried through — always backed up by research and facts. Then in walked Vera Marie Badertscher, whom I came to know as Bunny. She was bigger than life, though small in stature; she was one of Jim’s long-time political allies ran his District office in Tucson.

Her confidence was captivating, and yet a wee bit intimidating as a young staffer. I remember vividly the first time I made a mess of Jim’s travel arrangements going back to the District. Bunny appropriately and swiftly let me know the impact of my error, she made her point and then moved on. Bunny always moved on and didn’t encumber herself with baggage and grudges. That has been one of the greatest lessons I’ve gleaned from her.

In 1986 I moved to Tucson for yet another adventure and to work for Bunny Jim’s re-election campaign and later in the District office. In expected fashion she was tough, but always fair and as long as I’d done my diligence. Anyone who knows Bunny can appreciate the signature Bunny look over the top of her glasses, pen in hand. Bunny taught me to see and recognize peoples strengths and how to play to those strengths. She was a great team builder and showed me the value in being part of something larger than myself. As my Dad would say she could squeeze blood from a turnip, and everyone on Bunny’s team was glad to go the extra mile.

Last but not least I’ve had the pleasure of coming to know the viscerally human side of this Fairy Boss mother. So often the tough women of the world are just that, tough! Bunny was tough alright, but she laughed - she laughed a lot. She wasn’t afraid to let her compassion as a mother, wife and friend shine through which made her navigation through tough issues human, and her empathy for others real.

Bunny has checked in on her staffers like a Mama Bear checks in on her cubs. She’s shown up again and again for decades and this is true for so many of us fom Jims office. I am forever grateful for my Fairy Bossmother Bunny!

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Our lives are full of Fairy Godmothers — too many to enumerate, but we all have them AND can all become them for someone else. The importance isn’t the glass slippers, the carriage or the gown for the ball but the doors those gestures and gifts open if we follow their lead. I think I’ll sit down and read the story of Cinderella just as a reminder ❤️