Is love enough for your dog?

As I travel in an out of people’s homes and lives, (and those of their dog’s), I have yet to come across one person that doesn’t love their dog or at the very least want to give their dog a loving home. And yet, it seems that the dogs that only get “love love love” from their humans have the biggest behavioral issues and are the most conflicted. With rescue or fostered dogs this love love love treatment is often fueled by guilt or compassion for past abuse/neglect the dog has survived. Sometimes our own isolation or loneliness motivates us to show our dogs that “we love them most.” Whatever the reason for humans to believe that love is all a dog needs, though motive and intent are pure, the outcome is often toxic.

Think of it…… if parents only loved their children, by doting on them, giving them treats, letting them have the run of the house, eating when they wanted, tearing things up and being rude to guests, imagine what sort of adults they would become? And yet this is what we do to our dogs, expecting a different outcome.

While it’s true that we also assume that our dogs have the same emotional and physical needs as humans to live a happy, full and content lives; that’s not the case either. Anthropomorphism (the attribution of human traits, emotions, or intentions to non-human entities) is thought to be an innate tendency of human psychology. So cut yourself some slack because it’s a natural human response, but keep in mind it isn’t entirely healthy for your relationship with your dog.

How many dogs do you know with car envy for the new red convertible their neighbor’s owner just purchased? How many dogs do you know that wish they could just upgrade to an iPhone 10x? During play dates or at Doggie day care, do you think dogs discuss the themed birthday party they hope to have next year? While so much of what we do for and to our dogs is important to us, it is completely and utterly irrelevant to a dog and their happiness.

To better understand the fundamental needs of your dog for a full and happy life we need to look at the evolution of the dog. By descent dogs are pack animals and are over 98% the DNA of the wolf; the survival and vitality of the wolf pack, and the hierarchy and harmony within, is our best model for understanding the needs of our dogs within their pack (human and pet families). Unlike humans who strive for equal rights, there is no such thing as one dog one vote in the pack. The concept is foreign to them; with dogs there are only leaders and followers. If humans don’t step up and earn their dogs respect and take the leadership role, the dog will either assume the role or be confused about their slot in life — no matter how much they are loved. In the pack, leaders make demands, come and go as they please, and everything is on their terms “of course.” Leaders often can't relax because their work is never done or they have so many (self imposed) responsibilities that they are anxious and can't clock out.

The concept of pack leaders/followers is instinctive to a dog. Leaders lead with calm kind energy. Yet dogs are so intuitive that they can pick up on our feelings and emotions as well as our confidence or lack-thereof and calmness as a leader. If we are uncertain, afraid, irritated or frustrated with our dogs or just sad and having a bad day, our dogs pick up on that. So much of their intuition is about our energy. Have you ever seen a dog slink out of a room if the humans are arguing?

Friend and mentor Dan Abdelnoor said, “One day we may start to understand what our dogs already know about us.”

Your dog knows if you aren’t in charge; they know if your actions don’t match your energy. So stop pretending you are the leader because there is no fooling your dog. It’s your turn to step up and be the trusted leader your dog so desperately needs. Once you’ve got that piece firmly in place then by all means love, love love your dog. Then and only then can a true relationship of friendship, loyalty and unconditional love grow.

So my answer is “no” love is NOT enough for your dog, however true leadership and love are entirely enough for your dog.

Go lead and love your dog!